I'm sorry, that sounds extremely unpleasant. The only advice I can offer is to look into professional therapy, as that sort of a negative self-talk pattern is extremely difficult to break out of on your own.
I've been diagnosed with MDD in the past. Though I wasn't formally diagnosed with anxiety, I did have symptoms of it. I think that's what's come to the forefront now, and what's probably the cause of this negative self-talk.
